Michele's Wit

I share this letter with you not to warn you of the evils of artificial sweeteners, but because I appreciate the wit of my friend Michele, who sent this email to me and my wife:

From: Fago-Zall, Michele
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2005 1:52 PM
To: Liss; Andrew D'Auria
Subject: It's the Splenda . . .

. . .that's hurting my rear-end-a!

I Just wanted to let you guys know because:

a) You might be suffering from excessive gas and abdominal pain without knowing the cause
b) I do love talking about my bowel movements, rectum and gastrointestinal distress
c) I thought it was a clever witticism

That's right. So I've been chewing all this sugarfree gum for the past few weeks b/c of the not smoking. At any rate, I have been bloated up, had severe gas/abdominal pains and terrible diarhhea for the past month and couldn't figure out why. Well, I just realized all these sugarfree gums no longer use aspartame, but rather sucralose (Orbit, Eclipse, Dentyne Ice, etc). I learned I couldn't consume sucralose without severe repurcussions at an earlier date while bingeing on shortlived diet/nutrition bars.

Chew Well, Live Stong!

Your bloated friend Michele