Adam and Eve not Andrew and Steve

This is a true exchange between myself and co-worker:

http://www.metrowebworks.com/gallery/msunner/confession_of_love

Michele's Wit

I share this letter with you not to warn you of the evils of artificial sweeteners, but because I appreciate the wit of my friend Michele, who sent this email to me and my wife:

From: Fago-Zall, Michele
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2005 1:52 PM
To: Liss; Andrew D'Auria
Subject: It's the Splenda . . .

. . .that's hurting my rear-end-a!

I Just wanted to let you guys know because:

a) You might be suffering from excessive gas and abdominal pain without knowing the cause
b) I do love talking about my bowel movements, rectum and gastrointestinal distress
c) I thought it was a clever witticism

That's right. So I've been chewing all this sugarfree gum for the past few weeks b/c of the not smoking. At any rate, I have been bloated up, had severe gas/abdominal pains and terrible diarhhea for the past month and couldn't figure out why. Well, I just realized all these sugarfree gums no longer use aspartame, but rather sucralose (Orbit, Eclipse, Dentyne Ice, etc). I learned I couldn't consume sucralose without severe repurcussions at an earlier date while bingeing on shortlived diet/nutrition bars.

Chew Well, Live Stong!

Your bloated friend Michele

Al Gore Must Be Proud

How proud Gore must be to see his invention the Internet being put to such remarkable uses:

http://www.justtoiletpaper.com/

Warning: If you go looking hard enough, there are naughty words there. If you can't swing the naught, don't click the link, Susie.

The Zoo

We took our 7-month-old baby Jessica to the Staten Island Zoo on Saturday. A good time was had by all, etc. I'll be sure and post pictures at the site soon enough.

As we were preparing to go, I made a comment that caused me to laugh a good bit. I told my wife, "We can take Jessica to the petting zoo, or, as it is called in her case, the pulling and hitting zoo."

(see.... babies tend to hit and pull on animals rather than gently petting them....)

Dolphins with Fricken Poison Darts on their Fricken Heads

Dr Evil would love this:

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,1577753,00.html

I love it too, for several reasons:

- Sleeping toxin darts fired by dolphins - need I say more?
- Animal rights activists hate it
- Animal rights activists hate it, so the Navy makes it secret rather than stops it
- The mental image of the look on a diver's face as he's being surprised by Flipper and his dart gun

Capers

I don't care what anyone says or thinks - capers are delicious and underused in most American kitchens (home and commercial).

Ever tried one? I think they taste like a cross between maybe an olive, a pickle, and good brown mustard. The have a texture like a very soft green pea.

Last night I cooked up a sauce for my spaghetti and pan fried cod fish that consisted of oil, lime juice, green olive pieces, hot sauce (homemade!), hearts of palm, roasted red peppers, and of course scrumptious capers. So good....

Darth Vader Can Read Your Mind

And apparently talks smack with the best of them. Enjoy:

http://www.sithsense.com/flash.htm

Thanks to Rob (Dr Bob) for this one!

Stranger than Fiction

Anyone ever seen The Freshman. Funny movie.

This is even better:

http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/international/news/20050908p2g00m0in018000c.html

Thanks once again to Lori for spotting it!

Jessica Ripped Me a New Eyehole

Yes, that's right. My little baby daughter, but 6 months old and all of 16 lbs, poked me in the eye tonight so severely that I had to seek immediate medical attention. Apparently a "very large but shallow" corneal abrasion does not require a large amount of strength to inflict.

Thankfully I am not sporting the latest in pirate fashions on my eye. I do, however, get the pleasure of using antibiotic drops on my scratched cornea. This process feels a bit like groping around in a bucket filled with lemon juice and razor blades, but with one's eye.

Every few minutes the pain flares up and I have to stop what I'm doing and close my eyes. Like right this very minute.... OK, better now.

When she's older I'm going to give her a hard time about her curfew just out of spite for this incident.