True Tales of Travel

Wednesday

5:30 AM - Alarm goes off. I get dressed quickly, kiss my wife, and get to La Guardia.

6:13 AM - Flight is delays 40 minutes. Shocker. No big deal. I'll get there with enough time to make my meeting.

9:05 AM - On the ground in Manchester, NH. My ride and colleague is there. We head out to conduct business.

6:10 PM - Eating dinner with colleague and his 3 year old boy. Good meal, good beer, good company - good times.

8:08 PM - Start after hours work with customer from my hotel room.

10:18 PM - Finish after hours work with customer. Ready to pass out.

Thursday

7:00 AM - Get up, get dressed, eat up, get out. No problems so far.

2:01 PM - Work concluded, my colleague drops me off at the airport in Manchester, NH. Hey, my flight is scheduled for after 5 PM, but surely I can get out on something earlier, or at least get some food in the airport and relax.

2:03 PM - Continental Airlines desk clerks looks at me. I don't even say a word and she asks, "Going to Newark?" I am, and answer her affirmatively. "Flight's been cancelled due to weather," she crones. "Wonderful!," I reply, with a cheerful sarcasm that mark the rest of my evening. Didn't my wife just tell me she was going to her mother's house? Could she do this in bad weather conditions? But the airline was nice enough to book my on their next flight to the area, the next day at 6 AM. Not going to work. Can they book me on another airline? Sure, if I go and ask the other airline to accept my Continental ticket and pay the difference.

2:08 PM - US Airways counter folk are at least a little sharper than the Continental people, even if they only fly to La Guardia instead of Newark. Close enough for me. And, bonus, no price difference. Sure, it leaves around 5:10, but that's not too bad.

2:17 PM - Surprise! When you switch airlines like that, your boarding pass is "red flagged" for thorough security pat down. The older gentleman carressing me with his electronic wand while plump ladies examine every item in my bags with the vigorous scrutiny.

2:29 PM - Airport lobster salad on a whole wheat wrap isn't too bad. Large beer to wash it down helps too. Let's go check the flight status.

2:50 PM - Delayed. OK, not too bad. I'll take a walk, check my email, do a little reading, and relax.

5:55 PM - I want to go home. Now US Airways is saying the flight has a weight limit and we're over it. Looks like a 14 seater or so. First they offer free round trip tickets to people willing to take the next flight.

6:03 PM - Turns out that not only am I not eligible for the free ticket for taking the later flight (since I'm technically Continental's problem), but I am getting bumped. [muted trumpet: wah wah....]. Don't worry, there's a 7:45 flight that should be just fine.

7:45 PM - Actually, that's delayed too. Let's call it 8:20 PM. Some 17 year old pock-faced dweeb comes over and says, "that's a bitch," as if I should co-miserate. Instead, I choose to co-miserate with a group of 3 other fellow stranded adults not acting nearly as strung out as that kid.

7:50 PM - Kid has phone call with his mother. If my son spoke that way to my wife I'd break his neck. He goes back to his iPod. Me and a couple of my fellow adult passengers go grab a beer at the bar and get to know each other. I'm generally not that chatty with strangers, but I had done as much reading as I could handle that day.

8:15 PM - Well, 8:20 is now on the schedule for, let's say, 8:40. The gate agent comforts me and my fellow strandees by assuring us that this flight is never cancelled. "Maybe once every 6 months."

8:19 PM - That 17 year old kid is now reading a porno mag in the gate area. I notice the magazine is entitled "Club" and has photos that would make Heff blush. I ignore him.

8:23 PM - The young lady sitting near me starts laughing out loud, as do a few others. This is because that fine young gentleman is now holding his magazine vertically at arm's length so as better to appreciate the photography. At this point some guy comes over to him and firmly but politely tells him, "Some people might be offended by that magazine. Please put it away." He complies.

8:24 PM - The kid walks over to the man who just asked him to put the magazine away and asks, "Do you work for the airport?" The man explains that while he, in fact, does not work for the airport, he politely asked him to put the magazine away for the benefit of the other passengers. The kid returns to his seat and goes back to pornless iPod listening.

8:45 PM - The board says the flight is now delayed until 9:05. They seem to have stopped giving us verbal updates on the plane's whereabouts. Not promising.

9:12 PM - The board still says 9:05 and still no sign of the plane.

9:38 PM - The flight is off the board. Rumors are spreading.

9:53 PM - The inevitable application of Murphy's Law - the flight is cancelled due to mechanical issues. I guess they were due. We queue up to rebook for the morning. The gate agent calls the Holiday Inn and gets a room block at the US Airways rate. She also asks for security to come by because she's afraid the kid is going to make trouble.

9:58 PM - Some get on the 7:05 AM flight, I get booked on the 9:15 AM. The kid freaks out. Has some kind of yelling phone call with his mom, gets his mom talking to the gate agent, and then starts demanding that they call him a limo to take him back to New Canaan, CT where he lives. They offer to book him on a flight in the morning and he freaks out, "I am 17 years old!! I am not a kid!! I want a limo now!!" Me and my new friends get the hell out of there to go wait for the shuttle to the hotel.

10:06 PM - As the courtesy shuttle pulls up, we're all shocked to see that the kid is actually getting his limo. We all decide to freak out next time to get more accomplished. Heck, it might have worked a few minutes early when we were told that US Airways won't pay for our room, but we could "write a letter."

Friday

12:40 AM - I finally start falling asleep.

8:04 AM - Hey, guess who's getting another thorough inspection from security. This time I knew the whole routine by heart, so it went marginally faster.

8:20 AM - I make alternative arrangements for this morning's business. I eat a couple of Egg McMuffins, hash browns, and a coffee. Feeling human, I walk back to the gate to discover folks that were supposed to be on the 7:05 flight. Oh yeah, that was cancelled too due to mechanical issues.

9:30 AM - It's a little late, but I'm on a plane. Hallelujah!

11:02 AM - I'm sitting in traffic on the BQE, but I don't care. I'd walk it from here.

11:45 AM - Home at last! The saga ends, and I am so grateful to be home.