New Section on Website

And as if new photos weren't enough for 1 day, I've also added a new section to my website where I will post new songs. I've got one up there for now.

Photos Posted

If you like looking at photos of my kid and animals, then you should check out this link:

http://www.andrewdauria.com/gallery11/

Otherwise, you know... don't.

Telemarketer Fun

A telemarketer or pollster just called me house and wanted to ask me a few questions about "issues that face New Yorkers." I replied, in my normalest voice, "I'm sorry. I can't help you. I don't speak English," then hung up the phone.

I recommend you try this next time. Highly satisfying.

OMG!! I'm Shocked! Not Lance!

[sarcasm on]

Did you know that Lance Bass from N*Sync is gay!?!?! Who knew? I thought, you know, with all those screaming girls, that boy band members would be so macho and hetero. Oh, now all my feelings about the music industry have changed.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,205688,00.html

[sarcasm off]

How Hot Is It?

Man, is it hot in my home office. I mean, really hot. It's 10 PM and my thermometer still reads 85 degrees. Imagine what it was during the hot part of the day. And did I mention stuffy. My mousing hand is getting sweaty.

I generally like things on the warm side, but this is ridiculous. I am thinking of recycling my body fluids to stay properly hydrated. I might split the cat's head open to suck the precious water from his brain. Yes - it's THAT hot.

Nuge on the French

Sorry, I'm on a French bashing kick tonight. Here's a quote from an interview with Ted Nugent:

Interviewer: "What do these deer think when they see you coming?" I ask him. "Here comes the nice guy who puts out our dinner? Or, there's the man that shot my brother?"

The Nuge: "I don't think they're capable of either of those thoughts, you Limey [rectal opening]. They're only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French."

[Edited for family friend reading]

How do I know it happened? Snopes says so.

Happy Bastille Day

I don't care about soccer at all. But I did enjoy seeing this mainly because it hurts the sensitive French in a way that few things can. And, yes, there's some ethnic pride I take in it as an Italian America.

Crazy Person Auctions Crazy Book

Want to know the cure for cancer? Solution for world peace? What happens when you die and what will happen to the world? All the answers are a click away....

Office Guns

Want to make improvised projectile weapons at work, but just aren't sure of the best designs to use given your limited supplies? Fret not, for these fine folks have a website just for you.

Here's a real testimonial:

"I used to get all the boring assignments at the office. Now my boss does not dare and gives them to Brian. Thank you OfficeGuns!"

Living the Second Amendment

Here's one guy who takes the right to bear arms seriously. Check it out for some impressive shooting, and considerably less impressive copy reading. Thanks to Vlad for finding this one.

Thinning the Herd

Do you want to see people getting shot with Roman Candles? Of course you do!

Why I love these videos:

- "Springer Effect" of making me feel pretty good about myself in comparison to others

- Reinforces my faith in the cleansing effects of natural selection pressures

- You know what's going to happen before clicking play, and that's very comforting

- "Dog with Roman Candle." COME ON!! The only thing better would be "Monkey with Roman Candle."