Why Do We Still Have Remote Controls?

I was thinking today about growing old, calling my wife by my new pet name for her ("mother"), and asking her, in our old age, to "Pass me the remote, mother." And then I got thinking - we won't have those barbaric things in the future. We'll just tell the TV what we want it to do and it will do it.

Then I really started thinking - why they heck don't we have voice controlled TV now? Why, for the love of Pete, can't I just say, "Change channel to History Channel... raise volume... show guide..." etc. Well, I suppose I can say that to my TV. It just won't do anything.

Man, I just feel like the future is suppose to be here already. I mean, we already have voice recognition technology for computers and such. Where is it on my TV? For that matter, where are my moving sidewalks (besides the airport), flying cars, and mandatory state-issued unitards? Gotta keep waiting, I guess...

You May Call Me Sanjay Patel

That's my new Indian name. I just made my own chicken tikka masala for dinner. It was a so money. I've decided that I've earned my own Indian name: Sanjay Patel.

Veal and Hotel Room Smoking

Today I went to a business lunch with my female co-worker and 3 other folks from a customer's office. One of the customer's was also a woman and a vegetarian (with allowances for fish). We were in a nice Italian restaurant.

My co-worker asked me what I going to order, to which I replied, "the veal lunch special." She then proceeded to tell us that eating veal and other baby animals makes her sad. My reply was, "I get sad when I don't eat veal."

I thought that sentence should tell you everything you need to know about me.

On a completely unrelated note, I am currently staying in a hotel. I was "stuck with" a smoking room for the 2nd time in as many months. Fortunately, I have my pipe stuff with me. I have decided that I am going to change my travel profile room preferences from "non-smoking" to "smoking." Smoking a pipe indoors rocks. It's a pity that more hotels these days are moving to all non-smoking. Might as well enjoy it while I can.

Ice Tea

Here's another thing that is just better in North Carolina - ice tea. Nobody here serves crappy ice tea. It's all good, fresh stuff, brewed in house for the most part. Up in NY, it's mostly soda fountain junk or Snapple-like products.

Sweet tea in particular is great here. Of course there's a lot of sugar. We've taken to mixing sweet and unsweet together 50/50. Fantastic. For non-alcoholic beverages on a warm summer day it can't be beat.

First Home Haircut

I had been toying with the idea of do-it-yourself home haircuts for a while. My hair is very simple. It's basically a crew cut or, at most, a crew cut with a slight taper from the really, really short sides to the really short top. How much effort is it really? Was it worth my spending $15-25 per month? Of course when I lived next door to my barber, and she only charged $10, the decision was much simpler.

So a friend recently inspired me to try it, as he cuts his own (very, very short) hair. When we were at Costco ("The Cost Company," as like to call it) as few weeks ago, they had a Conair home haircut kit, complete with electric razor, clips, instructional video, scissors, and even a beard trimmer. And it was fairly cheap (like $25). We bought it.

Yesterday I decided it was time. I made the Mrs watch the instructional video and set up outside for my hair cut. She put the #2 clip on the razor and started cutting away. It was going really well for a while. Then she took the clip off and started using the bare electric razor to trim up the line around the ear and back of the neck.

While she was doing this, Jessica (my 3 year old) came around and was showing me something. Ilissa stopped for a moment to talk to Jessica as I handled whatever it is she was showing us. And then, quite carelessly, Ilissa ran the razor into the side of my temple, shearing a 2 inch line almost to the scalp.

After some heated exchange of words we both calmed down, ultimately agreeing that it was only hair, after all. She finally admitted that she should have been paying more attention, especially with a buzzing razor near my head. Oh well.

In the end, we put a #1 clip on and just shaved the whole thing as short as it has ever been. I kind of like the way it looks and feels at this very, very short length. You can hardly see the razor slash on my temple with the hair this low. And I actually ended up doing most of the shearing the with #1 clip, with Ilissa only doing the edging.

So in the end I'll call it a success. Home haircuts are possible, if your style is simple enough. Maybe in the future we'll venture into fancy things like tapering, but for now a very short crew cut will be my very thrifty style.

The Common Era

Can writers, academics, and other nitwits please stop using the abbreviations "C.E" (for common era) and the even dumber "B.C.E" (before the common era)? You think you sound more intelligent or enlightened for using these terms instead of A.D. (Anno Domini, "the year of our Lord") or B.C. (before Christ), respectively, but it's actually quite childish.

I realize that acknowledging the importance of the birth of Christ hurts your multicultural soul or scientific mind. Or, for that matter, even acknowledging the importance of Christianity in western culture is like receiving a 3 lb splinter in your neck. So do you think that basing your dating system on the Incarnation of the Lord but pretending it's not based on said event is any better?

Look, if you hate Christ, Christians, and western culture so much, then just stop using His birth (or whatever approximation of it we base our system on) as a dating reference point. Maybe you'd prefer to base your dates off the publishing of The Origin of Species, or Das Kapital. I say, go for it. You'll be happier and I'll be happier. I won't know what year you are referring to, but at least we'll all be happy.

Or you can grow up and use the system the rest of the world uses, while acknowledging its basis. It's OK - No one will believe you are a closet Christian, or that you don't hate capitalism or religious people or America or whatever.

And, yes, I know the system is actually off by a few years on the actual event (or so historians currently believe). And yet somehow I still manage to get by and use it, and still properly refer the to eras as B.C. and A.D.

Steak and Eggs

Is there a manlier breakfast than steak and eggs? Probably not, unless it's steak and eggs prepared by for you by your wife.

Well, by golly, then I just had the second manliest breakfast there is. And man, do I like steak and eggs.

The steak, of course, must be rare. Really rare. And the eggs must be fried, over easy. You get that nice runny yolk all over the steak with a bit of the eggs on the same fork... aghhhhh.... [drowning on my drool]....